A Collection of Plays & Monologues by Jill Ripa: The What Do you Do? Series

What do you do?

A Short Play for 2005-2023

Them: What do you do?

Me: I’m a teacher

Them: Oh, really? That is amazing! I just think teachers are saints. What grade do you teach?

Me: High School.

Them: Oh man! That’s a tough age. And what subject do you teach?

Me: Theatre.

Them: Wow! So, you just get to direct plays and stuff? That’s exciting!

Me: Yeah, it’s really fun!

Them: I bet it’s great that everyone in your class really wants to be there since they chose to take it.

Me: (Hesitates for a moment because…no. But she learned a long time ago not to really get into that--it’s a real downer). Yeah, I just have a lot of fun.

Them: Teachers don’t get paid nearly enough. I just can’t believe how crazy it’s gotten for y’all. Well, thank you for what you do. You are making a real difference.

Me: Thanks. What do you do?

(Conversation continues from here, to include grown up topics that have nothing to do with teenage drama, shooting drills, play performances, or current school Tik Tok challenges).

What Do you Do?

An Even Shorter Play for May 2023-June 2023

Them: What do you do?

Me: Uh…uh…uh…well, I taught for 16 years, but now I’m focusing on my writing and maybe some regional theatre in my area.

Them: So you’re retired?

Me: No. Not retired. Just working on my writing, and really focusing on that.

Them: (Awkwardness--this is a response that balances pity with “that’s not really the answer I was looking for”--way too complicated)

Me: (changes the subject. Awkwardness gone).

What Do You Do?

A Monologue for June 2023

I really need to write the script for this conversation. I feel like surely I can just come up with a blanket answer that keeps the conversation from going weird. I mean, if I’ve had enough wine I’ll keep going and saying some rambling thing that sounds like, “I’ve been a writer all my life. It’s just something that’s in me to do, you know? I mean, maybe nothing I write will be good, but I just feel like I need to do it. And Hector fully supports it. We can handle it financially. And I’ll never know if I don’t try.”

You’re bored already too? Yeah, I get it. This just sounds like I’m trying to justify my decision to “them.” Probably because that’s exactly what I’m doing.

It’s just that I’ve always had this answer. And now…well, now I don’t.

That’s not true. I do, but it isn’t the socially acceptable answer.

It’s like this when someone you barely know asks you how you're doing. You don't give them the whole saga. You give them one of the socially acceptable answers.

How’s it Goin'? (The Socially Acceptable Answer)

A Play in 3 Parts for Any time

Part 1: Everything is Fine

Them: Hey, how’s it goin?”

Me: I’m good. Everything’s good. You?

Part 2: Everything is Really Good

Them: Hey, how’s it goin?

Me: It’s great!

Part 3: Everything is Terrible

Them: Hey, how’s it goin?

Me: Hangin’ in there.

(They smile and nod--maybe exhale)

What Do You Do? (The Socially Acceptable Answer)

A Play in 3 Parts as an Experiment

Part 1: I’m Gonna Say I’m a Writer

Them: What do you do?

Me: I’m a writer.

(Everyone points and laughs)

Part 2: I’m Gonna Wing it (surely I’ll think of something)

Them: What do you do?

Me: Uh…uh…uh…I have my MFA so I’m gonna do the things I got that degree to do!

(Everyone is confused)

Part 3: I’m Gonna Audition for Housewives of San Antonio

Them: What do you do?

Me: Nothing. I live off my husband’s pay check and try to be pretty.

What Do You Do?

A Final soliloquy for the Beginning of a New Adventure

I don’t think any of those answers would work…except for maybe the first one:

I’m a writer.

Here’s a real question: Am I a writer?

(A beat while she thinks)

I mean…I write stuff.

So I guess…yes.

Am I writer enough to answer that question with, “I’m a writer?”

I have no idea…when are you writer enough for that to be the answer?

I wonder what Eveline says to people when they say, “what do you do?”

I wonder what Lin Manuel Miranda said before he published or staged any plays.

I wonder when Miranda Lambert (my favorite) started to call herself a singer.

I wonder what all truly successful artists and out-of-the-box thinkers say when someone asks that question. Maybe I’ll start asking in my interviews.

Well, I’m sure that at least for a little while my answer to that question will start with some version of “uh…uh….” But I’m figuring it out (and having a really great time!)

Don’t worry. I’ll keep you posted when I come up with a real answer.

For now, I’m gonna go write…or something.