Something New. Day 40

I thought on the 40th workday since I quit teaching, I'd give you an update on my new journey. I read through my post from May 30, "Something New. Day 1." And here are a few things I've discovered since then:

1. I tried to make an hour-to-hour schedule once I started working from home, and I realized I've been living on a bell schedule for seventeen years, and I don't have to do that anymore! Such freedom! I can use the bathroom whenever I want!

2. Letting myself do what I want to do and following that lead has produced such freedom and a better outlook.

3. I can work out everyday, sometimes twice a day and still not lost a single pound. (Such fun getting closer to 50).

4. It's okay to take a nap. This is my favorite.

5. I still try to pack my life with too many things. Since abandoning the oppressive schedule, this has gotten better, but I am still keeping a close eye on myself and try to focus on one thing at a time (the sticky note is on my desk and serves as my daily reminder).

In that May 30 post, I wrote, “I hope to interview some people who inspire me. Some people who I feel have found their piece of earth and are planted firmly enough to take off in safe flight when they want to.” I guess I had planned the framework around that to be introducing you to some badass women who are making things happen and giving us all a little insight into how to follow their lead. And I have certainly found that. But I’ve found more. It is really focused on that part about “finding their piece of earth and planted firmly.” Sometimes I write pretty words on a page that my subconscious puts there for me to discover later on.

Since beginning this blogging journey, I have interviewed people from my past. Eveline. Shree. Dana. Kathryn. I didn’t really intend this, but my subconscious has really been working overtime lately since I'm finally allowing it to speak. These interviews have not only provided examples of people who are stepping out, being courageous, and making their lives happen. They have painted a portrait of my piece of earth. Of me. Who I am. The Jill Capranica of it all. I guess I can’t really plant myself firmly if I have forgotten and/ or left behind pieces of myself. Or if I don't really know what that piece of earth looks like.

Going on this journey has sparked a renewed relationship with my sister, and led me on a journey of rediscovering my growing-up story. It has led me to deep conversation with Eveline Rivers, who helped change the trajectory of my life in such a profound way. Because of this blog, I dug deep with Shree in a way that reminded us both of what we’ve accomplished and how far we’ve come. And most recently, with Kathryn, I was reminded of my high school self and some of the joyous times I had before all the madness began. Such an important rediscovery and one I didn't expect but gratefully accept.

I do believe I’m hearing the sound of my voice and finding that solid footing I was looking for. I guess I thought finding my voice meant standing up for myself and not letting myself get steam rolled, and yes. That’s part of it. But I think the steps forward include balancing my need to speak up more with who I am and what kind of person I want to be. I want to speak up, but I don’t want to be like the aggressive people on our recent cruise who would do anything to save five minutes of waiting. Pushing ahead of others who have already been waiting to make sure they get there first! Everyone else be damned! I don’t want to be that person. I don't want to crawl out from under the steamroller and find myself shoving others out of the way to stand on my piece of earth. There’s a balance there, and that’s what I'm looking for. That healthy balance of becoming something new that is based on the authentic parts of who I am at my core. I am hopeful that the taking flight portion of that opening statement will come with some continued exploration of this delicate balance.

In a more practical sense, I’m working to complete my newest play! I have about half of the second act to complete, and I think I'll be done with the first draft by then end of this week! I am writing a character who is going through a similar journey to mine. Her name is Eliza, and she is my great-great grandmother on my mother's side. I am currently writing a play based on her husband's memoir of settling Texas. As I read his journal, I kept hearing a whisper of the women in the story and wondered about their experiences. Through some research and pure imagination, I am trying to tell their stories. As I discover more about them, I discover more about myself. Moments of failure cause Eliza to doubt herself at times, to be completely paralyzed by the fear of failing again. But she's finding the strength to keep trying, and the women around her are helping her make that happen. Writing this play is helping me find that solid piece of ground that is mine. It's helping me hear the sound of my own voice and really of women's voices all around me. I think I still have quite a lot of work to do in speaking with that voice, but I'm hearing it, and I guess that's a step.

Speaking of women's voices, I have some wonderful interviews coming up that I cannot wait to share with you. So many dynamic people with inspiring stories to tell! Stay tuned for that, as the next one is coming up next week! You won't want to miss it!

See you then, and in the meantime I hope you can stand on your piece of land and listen for the sound of your own voice.