Let it Go

Let me introduce you to one of my beautiful students. This is a student I love so dearly and will hold in my heart always. We’ll just call her Elsa because she would be so delighted to be named that. She has Down Syndrome, and she told me once that she takes my class because she believes she is supposed to perform for the world one day. She loves to perform. Well, she loves to sing. But between us, she is a horrible singer. I mean, this kid can’t match a pitch to save her life. But she has no idea about that. What she hears coming out of her mouth is the most beautiful sound the world could ever hear, and she cannot get enough of making this sound. I can’t get enough of letting her do it because her fearlessness and determination in the midst of so many obstacles inspires me every time.

Sometimes when we are doing a project that involves individual performance, I will differentiate (see what I did there?) her lesson so that she gets to pick a song to prepare. And in Kathleen’s first couple of weeks with me, Elsa was working on the song, “Let it Go.”

Y’all.

As I mentioned, I love this child. So much. But let me just set the stage for you. I was in the midst of directing our UIL One Act Play. If you are not from Texas, you will not understand the gravity of that, but it is a huge undertaking and can cause quite a mess of stress. At the same time, I was attempting to complete several massive projects for grad school. And Elsa was in third period. What a group. If you looked around the room you would see kids who’ve been in and out of the hospital with mental health issues, kids with neglectful parents, a kid grieving the recent loss of a parent, and a group of mean girls that I’ll just refer to as Regina George and friends. It was a lot. I mean, a lot. Then, you add a soundtrack of very loud off-pitch Elsa, belting in her most yell-y-ish voice “Let it Go.” Add all of that together, and you’ve got the stuff nervous breakdowns are made of.

It was enduring Elsa’s insistent rehearsals that truly broke the ice with Kathleen and me. (Pun intended). Not that we really had too much ice to break; we hit it off pretty much immediately, but these moments cemented our ability to read each other’s thoughts with a look.

So, when on one of Kathleen’s notes she wrote, “You taught me that sometimes you just have to “Let it Go,” I laughed until I cried. So clever. And what a lesson. We could’ve chosen to carry so much negativity with us during that period. Instead, Kathleen and I embraced the craziness of it all. We helped those kids where we could and let go of the things we couldn’t control. We endured the yell-singing when we could and gave costume design drawing projects when we couldn’t. We got help with the effects of Regina George and friends when we could, and just kept teaching class when we couldn’t. We let some things go. It sounds easier than it actually is, and it really does take practice.

I took Kathleen everywhere with me throughout the day, and she got to witness some real teacher venting. One morning, there were a couple of teachers in a heated discussion over a slight schedule change to our day. I remember turning to Kathleen and saying, “you’ve gotta let stuff like that go or you’ll never survive this job. If you’re going to carry that around with you, you will be miserable–and just think–it doesn’t really matter. It doesn’t change anything we will do today. You gotta let stuff go.”

How would we possibly carry anger about something so small into our third period circus and still find a way to give those kids what they needed? Not possible.

I can assure you that every year I’ve taught has had its mixture of all of the things I’ve mentioned in the last few paragraphs. Sometimes I’ve been very successful in letting things go, and sometimes I’ve just wanted to hold on to them for the sheer justice of it all! Or really, because I couldn’t seem to figure out how to put them down. The metaphor doesn’t always match up to the practical day-to-day. Sometimes it seemed like there were situations that stuck to me. And I didn’t know what to do with them. In those times, I certainly learned what didn’t help:

• Talking about the issue non stop with people who will flame the fire. It feels really good, but that fire will consume you.

• Playing it over and over in your head to convince yourself you are in the right.

• Eating your feelings over the situation

• Drinking your feelings over the situation (the next day you’ll just have to deal with it anyway, and you’ll have a headache)

Please do not hear me say that the way to find joy in your job is to ignore hard situations and difficult people. That is absolutely not what I’m saying. Teachers have to wrestle with real issues everyday, and it’s tough. But a slight change to the schedule is not worth getting worked up over, and I like to save my fighting energy for the things that do. For the record, I am not super-star-brownie-making teacher, and I am not good at letting things go; I like to stew. And I really like to eat my feelings like a large monster beast. So, I get it, but this is a process. And I am learning to let it go. I am learning how to do it. Just like I learned to tie my shoes and swim and drive, I’m learning to do this.

Here are a few practical things that can help:

1. Have some discipline around your thoughts.

Practice redirecting your brain when it gets stuck on some issue that is only going to unnecessarily weigh you down.

2. Read these impactful things.

• Brene Brown. Just read all of her books and listen to her podcast.

• Crucial Conversations. Absolutely life-changing.

3. Carry the good stuff.

Like the fun moments I had laughing with Kathleen about how crazy the day was. Instead of feeling overwhelmed, we felt joyful. We knew we were a part of something big even with the “Let it Go” soundtrack in the background. When third period Elsa stood up on the stage and received thunderous applause from her classmates for her performance, we knew we had made an impact. Not just on Elsa, although she was beaming from ear to ear, but on the rest of the class–even Regina George and friends–who decided to cheer her on. How kind. How powerful. That’s the stuff I want to carry. I’m smiling even now just typing this, and this kind of joy helps heal the effects of the tough situations.

4. Don’t get hung up on the little details.

Your administration has an enormous job to do. They have so many moving parts, that it helps to go with the flow when they have to make a few changes or do something different. It can be frustrating, but it’s not worth getting worked up over.

There’s so much joy to be found in this job, so when an issue has you stewing, try to take Elsa’s super loud advice, and just “Let it Go.”