Bassoon Besties Bustin' a Move

My high school band only had one bassoon player. Me. In fact, I’ve only met a few other bassoon players in my life. We are a rare breed. Most of the bassoon players I met were condesending reed-makers who were way too into Star Trek. I was sort of on my own in that world from 7th-9th grade. Don’t feel too bad for me. It meant I was always first chair, and I got all the solos.

And then Kathryn came. She moved to Amarillo from Dumas our sophomore year, and she played the bassoon. She didn’t make her own reeds, and she never talked about Star Trek. We were fast friends and almost instantly inseparable. We were both go-getters, both in flag corps (I eventually became captain, and she became the drum major), both committed to our church groups, loved The Little Mermaid, Garth Brooks, silly jokes, cruising the movie parking lot looking for cute boys, drinking Dr. Pepper, and so many other things. She’s the one who taught me how to two-step.

It’s been over a decade since we’ve seen each other, but finally last week, we actually got together for coffee. I had planned to interview her for this blog, as she fits the bill for who I am looking to interview here. The thing is, we got so busy catching up that I never even took the notepad out of my bag. Never uncapped the pen. Once we started talking and catching up, we couldn’t stop. We had to drag ourselves back to our realities after three hours of chatting. I’m so glad I didn’t spend that time taking notes. It was so wonderful. It was like medicine for my soul, being with her and laughing with her again. The topics have changed from cute boys and acne to pre-menopause and being a mom, but the energy was the same. Just pure joy.

Kathryn, remember when we went to that flag/ drum major camp together? And we won all the awards? We had so many inside jokes and listened to so much late 80s/ early 90s music: “Just bust a move!” I will never forget how we rode in Mr. C’s jeep with the top down all the way there. Wasn’t it in Wichita Falls? Anyway, we had the time of our lives, even though it was so unbelievably hot. But we were determined to be the best, and we stood out there and gave it our all anyway. We were the coolest bassoon players ever.

Well, I left that coffee shop with more of a catch-up than an interview, but when I got back in my car after, I wrote down some phrases to summarize our conversation and the take-aways that might help me create something meaningful to share about Kathryn on this post.

Confidence came during crisis

There are so many elements to Kathryn’s story. But the pivot that she would highlight is the birth of her fifth child, Luke. He was born premature and fighting for his life. They spent days and days and days in the NICU, followed by multiple surgeries and endless doctor visits. If you ask her about her confidence and ability to stand up for herself in business and in other areas, she will direct you immediately to this moment in her life. When suddenly she could stand up to the specialist doctor who graduated from Yale and effectively advocate for son. There was no brain space for self-doubt. No room for over-thinking and trying to stay in control. Being in control was a thing of the past, and now there was only saving Luke. In that moment, her Mama Bear Instincts kicked in, and she was able to stand up. Ask questions. Demand answers. And make tough decisions. The toughest of decisions. There is an image that Kathryn saw in the mirror before Luke was born and there is an image she saw after. One she still sees today. The face of a confident woman, full of vulnerability and imperfection, but the face of a strong, badass mama. An authentic woman of faith.

Control vs. Reality

I’ve never sat with my kids in a NICU, but I’ve had to help them fight for their lives in other ways. In those moments, we both learned how much control we didn’t have. No matter how much we planned, prayed, scheduled, or color-coded, reality came at one point or another and blew it all up. And it was terrifying. Those are the defining moments that will destroy a person or build her into something stronger. I loved hearing that Kathryn took strength in that moment. Not that it didn’t beat her up--we all get our butts kicked by life at some point. But she stood up--she didn’t shrink. She connected with other moms. She let people love her. She went ahead and admitted that she could not control everything, and she just lived it moment by horrifying moment. Praying and fighting the whole way. Emerging with an authentic, tender toughness that fortified her relationships and bolstered her self-confidence. And now she's able to tell her story and help countless others who have gone down similar roads.

Vulnerable but strong

In Brene Brown’s book, Daring Greatly, she defines vulnerability as, “uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. It’s that unstable feeling we get when we step out of our comfort zone or do something that forces us to loosen control.” For an always-in-control type of person, like Kathryn, being vulnerable was not the way of her world. She had it all figured out, or at least she knew how to appear as if she did. And then Luke was born, and she had no choice. So much of her entire world was now completely out of her control. She did not choose to be vulnerable--it was thrust upon her. And she had to let go. How ironic that during the most vulnerable moments of her life, she gained the most impressive strength. Letting go allowed her to find true strength and stand up with a firm voice that said, “I know I don’t have control, but I can hear what my Mama Bear Intuition is saying, and here is what we’re gonna do. Here are the questions I need answers to.”

I reached out to interview Kathryn because she inspires me. Even over FaceBook. I don’t even have the other socials, but I’ve seen a snippet of her journey over the internet, and I wanted more details. What I got as I sat across from her in that coffee shop was pure heat. This is not different from other women I’ve interviewed. When a woman decides to stand up and use her voice, she tends to do that from a fiery place. And I’m not talking about anger. I’m talking about a moment in time where the words that must be said scream from a person who must no longer be silent. From the midst of a crisis or heartache, she simply has no other choice but to to trust herself, pray like hell, stand up, and speak up.

We’ve come a long way since our bassoon days, and I feel like I really should mention Chad. By our senior year, we got to hang out with Chad, our third bassoonist. Come to think of it, he never mentioned Star Trek or made his own reeds either. And he was a redhead. We truly were the coolest bassoon section ever.

In all seriousness, if you went through the trauma of having a premature baby, you need to check out what Kathryn has put out into the world. Honestly, even if that wasn't your journey, she has a lot of wisdom and encouragement to offer. Here's how you find her:

Kathryn Whitaker

Podcast | Author | Speaker | Beautycounter | Proud Texan

IG, FB, Pinterest: @kathrynwhitakertx

Also, I would highly recommend her book.

It is a quick read that will take you on an authentic faith journey with someone who is willing to be vulnerable and open. It will break your heart and build your strength.

You can also check out her website and blog. You could even book her for a speaking event! She’ll rattle your foundation. But in a good way. And always with that Texas twang! You’ll just love her!

Thank you, Kathryn, for the time you gave me and for your inspiring example.

And just for the sake of precious memories, I think Young MC should take us out!

Bust a Move!